A TIME-TRAVEL POSTCARD…

"IT" (otherwise known as HD 36405.b) isn't your average "oddball"
exo-solar planet made of rock that wobbles on its end & zips around a
nearby star in less than 2.46 days.

Seeking a spot of serenity somewhere in the universe, I recently booked
a deep-discount dodgy berth on the 'White Elephant Express Space
Shuttle', to a little known place in a galaxy far, far away.

If truth be told, (after reading random excerpts from "The Itty Bitty
Bunkum Book About Life, the Universe & Practically Everything Under the
Sun Not To Mention Stuff Going On In Remote Galaxies), I was basically
delirious. According to its noted author, Dr. Jarn Leffer, "IT is a
'must-see' for those with little time on their hands & a passionate
interest in Innocuous Things."

Most linear thinkers have a great deal of difficulty even comprehending
why on earth someone in their "right mind" would be interested in
visiting a planet called "IT". Not being a linear thinker with an
investment in the "right" answer, I didn't give a hoot. After all, what
does one (who walks on water & listens to miffed mortals all day long)
do for a frigging night off, now I ask you?

As planets go, "IT" is a ho-hum celestial pit-stop with perhaps one
exception. the welcome notice that reads, "Cosmic Cowboys - Welcome to
the furthest unexplored outreaches of the Galaxy . Home to the Flop
Fairy & Oodles of Gadflies!"

"IT" is populated by colonies of giggling, green grasshoppers . What
else would you expect to inhabit a far-flung, fantasy-challenged
hellhole like this? But, what made "IT" strictly speaking a strange
place was the fact that the inhabitants munch on green, biodegradable
garbage bags for fun. Lacking masticating capabilities, the gadflies
process their food by vigorously jumping up & down on it. No wonder they
have no need for fast-food franchises, strip malls or landfills!

To put "IT" bluntly, life on "IT" is shy of a tittynope*. The jolly
green grasshoppers & the carefully manicured green fairways with sand
traps as far as the eye can see certainly make for an utterly harmless
world. Regrettably, without a pair of golf clubs, a dimpled white ball,
& the notion that 19th hole even exists on this planet -- "IT" is about
as fun as bag of toads!

Anyway, I picked up this picturesque postcard of the blessed ballyhooing
buglugs. they look perfectly happy but don't be deceived. In reality,
they are a gang of glad-handing grasshoppers. they don't play golf, eat
burgers, or drink beer -- & none can frost a rock! Come to think of it,
apart from the company of bugs & the elusive flop fairy, this pathetic
planet has precious little going for IT!!

Life Lesson 42: Remember to talk to your travel agent before ever
embarking on a flight of fancy to a planet called "IT" in a galaxy named
"Have-a-Nice-Day"!!

__________

If you need to know what those green, glad-handing grasshoppers from
"IT" look like -- ask any four-year old, or failing that request some
help from a Flying Saucer Club member.


*"Tittynope" for you whiffling word-peckers means "a small quantity of
anything left over".